http://joycelin36.blogbus.com/

 

 

总觉得是时候应该写点什么东西了，可又不知道写点什么好。最近的心情有点低落，为了众所周知的原因，虽然也在心里暗暗为自己加油呐喊过，然而有时候不得不承认成事在天，挣扎和彷徨通常都是以更加迷茫的状态收场的，结果弄得自己越来越没有方向……

但是，
但是，
但是，

我
还要撑下去……

 

 

 

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker.

The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself. Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand".

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?" Bill Gates responded " I think you are sitting in my chair".

                                                                   

 

 

                                                           　　　　　　                                               

 

 

 

 

失败后，德国人这样安慰自己

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这个世界上，恐怕很难找出比日耳曼人更骄傲的民族了。输掉与意大利的半决赛，德国国内一时间悲伤不已，但即便如此，德国人依然有无数的理由来安慰自己。《图片报》就找到50条认为德国人依然是最棒的理由。让我们来看看，这其中究竟有多少理由是不靠谱的： 1．我们有一支最年轻的球队，这肯定会让我们夺得2010年的世界杯。 2．也许不必等到2010年，2008年欧锦赛我们就可以下“意大利面条”了（指找意大利复仇）。 3．只有我们有一个足球皇帝（贝肯鲍尔）。 4．我们比巴西走得更远。 5．我们有世界上最好的替补门将。 6．我们的国歌是最好听的。 7．到半决赛时为止，我们连一张红牌都没得到。 8．“团队之星”（世界杯比赛用球）是德国人自己的东西。 9．我们不仅仅是23名球员在战斗，而是8000万人团结一心。 10．我们像男人一样战斗，意大利人却像一帮娘们（指意大利人在半决赛前要求国际足联处罚弗林斯）。 11．在德国对意大利比赛时，电视机前有80％的德国人都在看这场比赛。 12．我们的球员从来不像贝克汉姆那样哭哭啼啼。 13．每个德国人现在都会唱他们的国歌了。 14．现在连我们的女总理默克尔都知道什么叫越位了。 15．在点球大战中，我们总是能赢。 16．只有我们的教练，在9330公里外的加利福尼亚还可以指挥球队。 17．下一次我们就会知道，要想将比赛拖入点球大战，要坚持120分钟，而不是118分钟。 18．巴拉克把所有的进球都留到了下届世界杯。 19．连世界杯期间的天气都是有史以来最好的。 20．只有我们的门将，才会在点球大战前看看手中的小纸条。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                       

    一九四五年的一天，克力富兰的孤儿院里出现了一个神秘的女婴，没有人知道她的父母是谁。她孤独地长大，没有任何人与她来往。  
    直到一九六三年的一天，她莫明其妙地爱上了一个流浪汉，情况才变得好起来。可是好景不长，不幸事件一个接一个的发生。首先，当她发现自己怀上了流浪汉的小孩时，流浪汉却突然失踪了。其次，她在医院生小孩时，医生发现她是双性人，也就是说她同时具有男女性器官。为了挽救她的生命，医院给她做了变性手术，她变成了他。最不幸的是，她刚刚生下的小女孩又被一个神秘的人给绑走了。这一连串的打击使他从此一蹶不振，最后流落到街头变成了一个无家可归的流浪汉。
    直到一九七八年的一天，他醉熏熏地走进了一个小酒吧，把他一身不幸的遭遇告诉了一个比他年长的酒吧伙计。酒吧伙计很同情他，主动提出帮他找到那个使‘他’怀孕而又失踪的流浪汉。唯一的条件是他必须参加伙计他们的‘时间旅行特种部队’。
他们一起进了‘时间飞车’。飞车回到六三年时，伙计把流浪汉放了出去。流浪汉莫明其妙地爱上了一个孤儿院长大的姑娘，并使她怀了孕。伙计又乘‘时间飞车’前行九个多月，到医院抢走了刚刚出生的小女婴，并用‘时间飞车’把女婴带回到一九四五年，悄悄地把她放在克力富兰的一个孤儿院里。然后再把稀里糊涂的流浪汉向前带到了一九八五年，并且让他加入了他们的‘时间旅行特种部队’。
    流浪汉有了正式工作以后，生活走上了正轨。并逐渐地在特种部队里混到了相当不错的地位。有一次，为了完成一个特殊任务，上级派他飞回一九七零年，化装成酒吧伙计去拉一个流浪汉加入他们的特种部队。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

两个月的垂死挣扎，

    盯着电脑屏幕时间长了，隐隐感到一股辐射产生的微热朝毫无遮掩的脸上扑来，吞噬着本已不多的水分，滋长着暗沉雀斑的蔓延，仿佛每一个毛孔都在迅速衰老。妈妈向来大惊小怪，拿来一副家里躺了多时的SEIKO平光眼镜递给我“戴上！多少对眼睛好一点！”我无言地接受，心里跳出四个字：自欺欺人。

 

 

 

 新闻晚报的“升学周刊”乃其一大特色，上到考大学，下到入托，大小通吃，一个不落，牢牢揪住了“面临人生转折点”的弟弟妹妹们那一颗颗水晶般脆弱的心。本人每每信手翻至这一版时，总是以一种兴奋不已幸灾乐祸的心态咧着嘴乐呵呵地扫视一眼，仿佛自己将要成为他们的面试官或者阅卷者似的。本来嘛，人都是希望寻求平衡感的，尤其在过“独木桥”时，更渴望桥那头的栖息地和甘果的慰藉。扯得远了，31号的“升学周刊”我忍不住多瞄了几眼，不仅是因为豆腐干一块的关于市北中学招生标准的报道，更因为那篇恐怖的、令人咋舌的“他山之石”，它使我感到，“他们”山上的石头果然比我们硬，而另一方面，出一些爱因斯坦都不一定知道的偏题、怪题并不是我们中国人特有的。比起他们来，我们公务员考试的“下水管道为什么是弯的”已经好太多了。

 

现全文摘录如下：

 

        近年来，申请攻读牛津本科和研究生课程的中国学生越来越多。从2001年起，每年11月牛津都会派遣面试人员到中国对本科课程申请者进行面试。2003年2月，牛津还第一次对研究生课程申请者进行了面试。

        牛津招生并没有一个统一标准，看重的是学生突出的学习能力、良好的学习成绩、英文出色、具备学术潜力及对所选专业充满热情，每个学生的个性也在考虑之列。作为世界顶级学府，牛津和剑桥一直保持着严格的面试制度，两校的面试与录取比例大致在15：1左右，面试官出题一向以覆盖面广、注重考察应变能力、发散性思维能力和独立解决问题能力等著称。这一点从牛津、剑桥近年来的面试题目上可见一斑。

        历史系：怎样才能追溯声音在历史中的运用？

        法律系：一个人撞在电线木杆上，对整个社会会有什么影响？

        哲学系：古时候的人是怎么知道2+2=4的？

        数学系：你能写出一个方程式，证明数学是一个很有意思的科目吗？

        物理系：请估算一下板球的能量。

        经济系：如果钱不能使人快乐，那人们为什么要促进经济增长？

        法律系：如果我在你家的房子外墙上画了一幅画，那么谁拥有这幅画？

        古典文学系：诗人奥维德的谈话式诗词能起作用吗？

        神学系：如果地球上的人类灭绝了，你觉得他们还会重生吗？

        经济系：《圣经》上说，约瑟夫首次执行了“调节性库存储备”，同样的情形，为什么今天他就不能做？

        医学系：请你说出为圣诞老人拉车的驯鹿的名字。

        兽医系：为什么植物没有脑袋？

        英语系：《Howard's End》的作者怎么用花粉热做比喻？

        哲学系和心理系：如何测试社会成规的影响力？

       哲学系和西班牙语系通用：如果发生一切都是事先注定的，那么我们应该惩罚罪犯吗？

        社会学系和政治学系：你认为日本黑帮对巴西和美国有多大的影响？

 

  

PS：咋舌后马上去Google搜了一下《Howard's End》

相关链接:《Howard's End》

 

 

 

 

Do you rerun memories about happy moments you and he spent together, sharing warmth and professing tenderness? Do you then wonder how those joyful times suddenly evaporated? Now you're sitting on love's doorstep, chilly and heartbroken, craving the affection you once shared. Turns out that Romeo decided it was time to move on — without you. Ouch.

Here are some tips to nurture your dignity and get through the pain of being dumped. Even if you've been given your walking papers, you can hold your head high and behave gracefully. Here's how:

Mourn and move on
Get him out of your system. Pour your frustration on paper by writing a journal or making a collage. If you've got it bad, make a voodoo doll or burn photos. But don't insist on remaining friends or hunker down waiting for reconciliation. "Chances are, he'll dump you again," says Caren, wo learned her lesson the hard way. "I was dumped three times by the same guy. I felt like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football."


Get busy with something else
Exercise, laughter and other connections can soothe and restore you. Jenna says the best strategy is to get busy, and remind yourself you have a life without him. Go to a spa, visit old friends, even go to the zoo. "Resist the urge to sit around the house with a box of Hohos listening to sappy love music that reminds you of him while wearing the same old pajamas for three days," she advises.

Look to future romance
Today's disappointment just makes it all the sweeter when you do find a win-win connection. Diana had been devastated when Mr. Right said he no longer loved her. "It took months to finally end things because I kept humiliating myself by calling him at all hours," she said. Years later, he tracked her down and wrote that he couldn't stop thinking about her. But she had gotten back into circulation, and made a new life rich with love. So she knew just how to reply: "I emailed him my wedding picture with a one-word response: Thanks!"

 

 

profess
[v] 表示

 

collage
[n] 抽象拚贴画(用报纸、布、压平的花等碎片拼合而成的)

voodoo
[n] 伏都教(一种西非原始宗教),伏都教徒

vt.施伏都巫术迷惑

hunker
[v] 盘坐

 

sappy
[adj] 树液多的, 精力充沛的

 

How to get dumped gracefully

 

如何顺利地摆脱失恋的阴影

 

        Do you recall memories about happy moments that you and he spent together, sharing warmth and expressing tenderness? Do you then wonder how those joyful times suddenly evaporated? Now you're sitting on love's doorstep, chilly and heartbroken, craving the affection you once shared. It turns out that Romeo decided it was time to move on — without you. Ouch.

        Here are some tips to nurture your dignity and get through the pain of being dumped. Even if you've been jilted, you can still hold your head high and behave gracefully.

Here's how:

Firstly, Mourn and move on

Get him out of your system. Pour your frustration (relieve your feelings) on paper by writing a journal. If you've got it bad, make a cursing doll or burn photos. But don't insist on remaining friends or waiting for reconciliation. "Chances are, he'll dump you again," says Caren, who learned her lesson the hard way. "I was dumped three times by the same guy. "

Next, Get busy with something else

Exercise, laughter and other connections can soothe and restore you. Jenny says the best strategy is to get busy, and remind yourself you have a life without him. Go to a spa, visit old friends, even go to the zoo. "Resist the urge to sit around the house listening to emotional or sad love music that reminds you of him while wearing the same old pajamas for three days," she advises.

Finally, Look to future romance

Today's disappointment just makes it all the sweeter when you do find a win-win connection. Diana had been devastated when Mr. Right said he no longer loved her. "It took months to finally end things because I kept humiliating myself by calling him at all hours," she said. Years later, he tracked her down and wrote that he couldn't stop thinking about her. But she had already made a new life rich with love. So she knew just how to reply: "I emailed him my wedding picture with a one-word response: Thanks!"

 

                                                                                                                     Joycelin